another birthday come and gone. . .

Another birthday has come and gone and I am so pleased with my current situation. My housemate is the best, I am still thriving in the mountains of Pennsylvania and daily adventures with my favorite person leave me breathless. I love my new position at work where I get to deal with escalated accounts and I am pleased with my performance. Morning coffee and cuddles helps me start the days right and I spend about 9 hours a day at work. Studying Higher Education to become an online professor is my free time along with singing with Bradley James to the sweet guitar he strums daily. The sound fills the air now as I type and is just breath taking, , ,

 

We shoot pool when we can and are very competitive. I have gotten much better under his tutelage, and I actually have won a few games. I spend more time racking than he does but he doesn’t mind. I listen to the music and peace consumes me. I have insecurities I am dealing with but other than the minor outburst of emotion I can say I have never been happier than the last Four months. Pennsylvania has been a blessing indeed and if I must be grateful it is for the connection made in this place…

When we deal with insecurities and have a supportive person to walk us through the ridiculousness of the minds tricks it is playing we can grow. In most space we have to feel comfortable, at ease and able to be ourselves. I work in an environment that is very much stifling in many ways. Every thing is counted down the minute and it is annoying. How long does it take to walk to the bathroom, pee, wash hands, and walk back to desk four minutes if lucky but usually five to six. Yikes. How obsessive. Any who, life is good.

I help people everyday and assist them to navigate the difficulty of student loan debt and forgiveness options. I communicate very effectively and people tend to be relieved after speaking to me in many instances. I want to implement new training and try to make everyone more consistent on the phones.

well that guitar is calling me to sing, I must go now favorite is playing….

oh that guitar though. . .

I’ve always loved music, it is a part of my very soul. . . 

I often, lately have asked myself how did I get so lucky as to have the daily concerts of a live guitar in my space? I imagine I must have accomplished some great deed in a past life which brought such joy in this year, in this time and in this place. I wonder if the happiness can last and if the sound of the guitar which brings a smile to my heart will continue to bring joy to my spirit. 

It is funny isn’t it,

how we tend to focus on the negative in our life more than we look at the positive. Maybe it is because when things go wrong we expect the happiness to go. I am human and sometimes I make a mistake and the way I react to it is what makes it a good or bad ordeal. My attitude towards myself lately has been driven by joy. I have had a pretty constant smile in my spirit for the past few months and in this year I wander joyfully into the next season. Spring is just 70 days away as I type this in the frigid 15 degree weather here in the Pennsylvania Mountains. BRRRRRR….  I have a fire to warm my space, a blanket to wrap up in and strong arms to hold me at night while I slumber, life is beautiful.

And oh that guitar though. . . I do not play but he does.. I sing, I listen, I write. Words are my strength but the song he plays draws words and sounds out of me that no one else has heard. Words rhyme together in verses and my voice fluctuates with the loudness and passion in which he plays….goals…DREAMS…

I have so many ambitions yet to live and for some reason I feel my life’s background music will be that of a guitar..strum strummin’

maybe the happiness in which the soul resides can be found in the space between notes in music thats live.

As I approach another birthday I am reminded at the wisdom I have. Emotionally only a 30 year old and focused on the future the way I am I am optimistic today. How can I not smile? The strum strummin in the home keeps the demons at bay, the angels come in when the guitar is tuned and there is no room for negativity when the strings are strummed…

oh this wonderful life…

 

authentic self, love. . .gratitude

Finding our authentic self is not as easy as just looking in the mirror. We must be willing to look behind the veil we have surrounded ourselves in to protect us from others. Human beings are not always kind and getting along with others at times can cause us to lose our authentic self.

We feel the need to defend our life, our happiness, our relationships and our choices. When we do not have to defend ourselves to anyone, ever. Not even our spouse.

In love we are unstoppable. In love we are joyful. In love we can move mountains. The future is bright our dreams start to materialize and all seems full of hope. Do we find our authentic self only when we truly love another? Is this how we find our true self, unconditional love and the love of serving another, completely?  When we serve another human being as their friend, lover, assistant, confidant, secret keeper, and become that anchor to another then this is when I believe we can really tap into our authentic self.

Oh my what a scary idea, to share ourselves completely with another. To break down the barriers and walls we have spent such time to put into place so another can not cause us harm or heartache. When we are honest with another about who we are, what we fear, what turns us on, and what brings us joy we cannot help but become the authentic self we were meant to be. Because now there is no secret, the sharing of ones darkness and light can create a vacuum in which a better person can be born. A true version of who who were intended to be.

No man is an island and life is not fair but when searching for your authentic self you need look no further than the person who you hold most dear, that is where you can find yourself as well. 

and the year begins. . .

and so the year begins… with music and friends and food and a kiss. The days ahead are not written yet and all is quiet in the cole Pennsylvania mountains. 3 degrees negative 11 with the wind chill. chilly… the keurig brews two cups of hot coffee and I smile at the day. and the day smiles back. My heart is heavy with my gramma audrey in the hospital for the last month and days and I am praying daily she fights and is well. She needs a heart surgery and her lungs are full of pneumonia so we wait. I am happy with my current role at work as an escalated representative and I am switching majors and schools. I will be working towards  a Masters in Higher Education to become an online professor for a university in 2 years. You see I ant to travel and play music full time, working as an online professor I can teach from the rv while we travel. Im seeing this unfold in a way that is so obvious to me and in sync with my mind and heart and my spirit soars at the thought of a future. I can not imagine life back in the Midwest and I will not be moving back to Green Bay at least I do not believe I will. So the birthday month is here for me and the new year is waiting. Work will be my main focus along with the new masters online at Walden University. I have read good and bad reviews about the school and I am going to venture forward.